I recently took some time off from social media due to illness. You could say it was a forced departure but it wasn’t really – it was more of a choice. Apart from feeling like I just couldn’t be bothered to post, my mind was in a state of stress and confusion.
For the past few weeks I have been dealing with the renovation of two of my houses and decided to move all the tenants out of these houses. It’s bad enough having to give notice to a couple of people but when you have to give notice to 8 tenants there’s always the worry that somebody is not going to want to go and would force me to do an eviction. I had to do an eviction last year so I knew exactly how to do it but it was still something I could do without.
Legally you have to give tenants 2 months notice to quit which I did, but as you can imagine, for two months my mind has been working overtime – Are they all going to go? Who is not going to leave? Who am I going to have to evict? How long will it all take?
Ever been in that situation when you start worrying and your mind just takes over and makes up all sorts of scenarios?
Being a landlord comes with the good and the bad. Depending on how you manage your properties the money can be good but there can always be issues with not just tenants but also maintaining a house. The older they get, the more money you have to spend on them.
I kind of accidentally fell into property investing. It was never really something I thought I would do but over the years I came across a number of people in need of housing and so ended up buying property to give them a roof over their head. Seven houses later (I had 8 and sold one last year) I now realise that it’s time to rethink how to move forward with them all – hence the reason why I decided to empty all my HMOs (houses of multiple occupancy).
The majority of my tenants have been great – always paid on time, always clean and tidy and generally a blessing – so having to give notice to so many people is not nice but a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do and I feel like the houses should be used more to help those in need ie. my women’s home.
As a person of faith I have to say I am pretty disappointed in myself. We are taught to trust God and to not worry. He has everything under control. I could quote you scriptures throughout the Bible which reminds us “do not fear”, but it’s one thing to trust God when life is fine and a completely different thing to trust him when all hell is breaking loose!
The last few months have been interesting for me and a real test of faith. I’ve worried about everything – How am I going to pay the mortgages with no rent coming in? How am I going to pay to renovate these houses? Where will I find all the tradesmen? It has been so stressful and I’ve pretty much carried the load on my own.
So in this post I want to share with you five things that have helped me and that you can do if you find yourself worrying unnecessarily.
1. Stop Over Thinking And Start Problem-Solving
If you find yourself constantly churning over conversations and thoughts in your head and these all have a negative outcome then you have to stop. We all know that this is not helpful and the more you continue to think negatively the sadder you will become.
The best thing to do is think about how to solve the problem. You may as well give your mind something positive to think about as opposed to something negative. When you worry you are trying to solve the problem in the negative so flip the switch and think about how you can be more productive in finding a solution and what you can do to solve the problem.
It is a waste of time to spend hours thinking about things which ‘might’ happen – because in all honesty most things very rarely happen the way we imagine them. When you catch yourself asking ‘what if’, stop for a minute, evaluate the logic of your thinking and then meditate more on the solution rather than the problem.
2. What Can I Control?
Sometimes in life there are things you can control and things you can not so when you find yourself worrying about something I want you to ask yourself “What can I control?”. I want you to sit and really think about the things you have control over in your situation.
For example, you can’t make the final decision on whether or not you get the job but you can do your best to prepare for the interview as much as possible. You can’t control if someone is angry at you but you can control your reaction to it.
I knew I couldn’t control if any of my tenants decided not to leave the house after the two months but I could control how prepared I was to get the knowledge I needed to successfully evict them.
Sometimes in life the only thing you can control is your attitude and your effort. Not only will you feel better when you feel more in control but you’ll also be much more effective.
3. Have A Stress Management Plan
Dealing with stress and worry is a huge problem for a lot of us. As someone who has suffered with anxiety for a long time I realise that I need to do much better when it comes to how I deal with stress. I hoped I would’ve been better by now but I’m still a work in progress!
Some of the key things you need to do to take care of yourself and release worry and stress is eating healthy, exercise and getting plenty of sleep. We all know this but do we all do it? I have definitely noticed the difference when I work on improving these areas. It’s not always easy – but you have to try.
I recently started swimming and it has been a Godsend! I’ve never been much of a water person but now I see why people enjoy it so much – it’s a great workout and all the problems of the day just float away (as well as sitting in the sauna/steam which is also relaxing).
Find an enjoyable way to relieve your stress like running, yoga, watching a film, meditation or spending time with friends. It may take a little while before you see the benefits but it will definitely help to lift you mood and energise you.
4. Memorise Affirmations
Not only is there power in what you think but there is also power in what you say so a good way to help you change the negative to the positive is to create affirmations which lift your spirit. Affirmations are positive statements that help the mind to think in the positive and not the negative. The key is to consistently repeat them from the heart and truly believe them.
As I mentioned before, I believe in God so my affirmations consist of scriptures from the Bible like “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” or ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding”. These remind me that I am not alone and that everything will work out.
You could also say something like “I release all the worry and fear I feel” or “I choose not to worry or stress about the future I cannot control; I choose to be positive and enjoy today.” Phrases like this will help you to concentrate on what you can do instead of what you can’t.
Affirmations strengthen you and help you to find the solution to your problem and they will fill you with the peace you need in order to deal with whatever comes your way.
5. Write It Down
One of the things that really helped me deal with worry and stress was to start writing things down. Many times I would find myself not being able to sleep because my mind would constantly be thinking and worrying about the problem and I would be replaying scenarios in my head like a film.
Alongside meditation and calming music, another strategy which really helped was to keep a pen and paper next to my bed and write down whatever it was that I was thinking. It was like doing a brain dump. I would just write down everything – good or bad.
When your brain is constantly in thinking mode it can be draining and can use up a lot of energy so by transferring your thoughts from your brain to paper will help you to shift all that negative energy from your body to somewhere else.
Also, by writing things down it helps you to see things literally in black and white. It’s much easier to work out solutions to problems when you know exactly what the problems are rather than second guessing. Then you are able to logically and practically figure out a solution and make a plan.
Worrying is completely normal so please don’t beat yourself up if you’re a bit of a worrier like I am. We all go through things in life which are difficult and can get us down. The key is not to stay down and not to let challenges overwhelm you.
My hope is that these 5 tips will help you learn to let go of your worry and stress for the things you can’t change. For the things you can change, fight your worry with action and become a problem solver. Rather than meditate on the problem, try to challenge your worries because you may just find that your problem is not as big as you think.
I would love to hear your tips on how to overcome worry and stress so share with me what works for you when life gets a little challenging.