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Why We Fight With The Ones We Love

When you think about the ideal relationship you want with your loved ones, chances are you picture positive and enjoyable interactions, not fights. So, why is it that we often spend a lot of our time having arguments with our family members, friends and significant others? Read on to find out why we tend to put up our dukes with those who we love and how to avoid it.

You Spend a Lot of Time Together

As all humans do, we tend to gravitate towards spending time with those we love. Sometimes we spend so much time together that it can feel al little suffocating, which can lead to arguments. If you find you and your loved one consistently fighting over little insignificant things, maybe it’s time to get some space from each other. As absence makes the heart grow fonder spending time apart may make you miss your loved one, and in turn, result in fewer arguments when you are together.

You’re Comfortable Together

Let’s face it, fighting with someone you know really well can feel good sometimes – much better than fighting with a stranger. Due to everything you know about your partner, family member or friend, you have a lot of “ammo” so to speak, and you can make relevant arguments you know your loved one will respond to.

When you fight with someone who loves you as unconditionally as you love them there’s no real worry that your relationship will end, making you feel a sense of comfort in a fight. Also, believe it or not, fighting can actually be a healthy outlet for stress and pent up emotions, especially for those who are comfortable together. However, as healthy as fighting can be to a relationship, it’s important to practice calm and reasonable conflict resolution with your family member, friend or significant other, as too much fighting can hurt your relationship.

You Feel Entitled

If you spend a lot of time with someone, chances are you know a lot about them, and because you know so much, you feel like you can give your blunt opinion. For example, if you don’t like that your boyfriend leaves his dirty dishes in the sink and wears the same shirt four days in a row, you will have no problem telling him he’s a slob. Or, if you live with a roommate who eats all your snacks, you don’t feel bad about telling her she’s going to gain weight. While these may be honest and even accurate comments, they’re just not nice and could erupt in a huge fight. So, even though you are entitled to your opinions, sharing an unkind one will no doubt lead to fights and hurt feelings.

You Care

Oftentimes domestic arguments happen out of love and caring for the other. When one partner chooses to point out another’s issues, it can lead to the use of defense mechanisms which ultimately cause a fight. This can also cause internal conflict, as one partner doesn’t want to hurt the others feelings, but at the same time, something needs to be said.

For instance, if you think your loved one has a substance abuse problem and needs to go to a rehab center, this conversation could cause a fight. Or, if you think one of your family members is in a toxic romantic relationship, this could be a difficult conversation to have. Fighting may be inevitable in a situation like this. However, if you approach your loved one calmly and express that your concern is for their benefit, you may decrease the decibels of your argument – or avoid one altogether.

While fighting with your loved one may be uncomfortable, unavoidable and even a little bit healthy, it’s not something you want to spend all your time doing. Simply understanding why you and your loved one have fights can help reduce the frequency and severity of the argument. Just remember that before or during an argument, try to be calm, reasonable and respectful.

Adrienne is a freelance writer and designer who loves learning more about personal and professional development. You can see more of her work by following her on Twitter at @adrienneerin.