It’s easy to let the past seep into the present. There’s a spiritual writer by the name of Eckhart Tolle who has an amazing perspective on time. He explains how the perception of time should be looked at as a series of “nows,” and not as a future or a past. Meaning, all you’ll ever have is now, and once it has passed it’s over. Once it’s over you’ve entered into a brand new “now.”
Looking at life from that angle makes you realize the importance each situation has or could have. It also has a way of slowing things down by allowing you to fully engage in each moment. More simply put, it’s literally stopping to smell the roses. This way of thinking, or rather way of living is something that you could incorporate into your current relationship.
People have a funny way of giving up on new relationships because of the actions of significant others in the past. We’ve all heard at least one person say, “I’m giving up on men/women.” This usually comes after a bad breakup or awkward series of dates. Unfortunately, sometimes the result is a bitter, and changed person. They tend to act something like a bad break up zombie biting whoever is interested in them. Unfortunately, while being fueled by the venom of the last partner, they scare off or even hurt someone who may have been worth it.
Realize this; if you ever said I’m giving up on men/women for whatever reason, what you’re really saying is that you’re giving up on your ability to connect with another person. Meaning that your past is no longer the issue and now you are. You’re being controlled by a point in your life that no longer exists. Really think about that. Learn to let go of the past by embracing now. If you don’t quite know how to do that here’s a simple exercise you can do in your free time.
Pick something small you do in your everyday life. It could be something as simple as combing your hair or tying your shoe. Before you start whatever it is say it to yourself. Now only focus on what you’re doing as if nothing else matters. What your doing is fully engaging in that moment thus forgetting the past and not worrying about the future. You’re calm and level headed.
Once you get the hang of this you’ll be able to use this technique to build a relationship with the world around you. You’ll be more aware of every moment, and more importantly how every moment makes you feel. You’ll avoid things that are a waste of time like dwelling in the past. You’ll also begin to welcome things that have meaning like connecting with someone new. So you see you can only really have “now” once. Why waste it on being upset or thinking about a time you can never get back?
Carlos R. Wilson – A communications graduate. When he’s not in the gym training for his next race you can find him diligently working on new business ventures or his current one Crowns of Kings Apparel. www.crownsofkings.com